If tomorrow never comes.

This is an extremely hard topic for me to think about and it's definitely difficult to write about as well but it is something I think of quite often.

What if I died today? Or tomorrow? Or anytime within the next 14 years?

Is that morbid? It's something that haunts me and if I were being perfectly honest, it's something that keeps me from doing a lot of things. Traveling, for one. Death is scary, for sure, but more than anything I worry about what will happen to Aiden. Obviously, his dad would automatically be granted custody I suppose and that terrifies me.

You see, he wasn't really in Aiden's life for the first 3 1/2 years and when he was there he wasn't there. He's only been exercising his visitation rights since last June and even then he's still a little unpredictable. Nine times out of ten, he brings Aiden back dirty, smelly, and in mismatched clothes at least one size too small. The clothes I send Aiden in never make it back; I'm lucky if I ever see them again. Would he read Aiden his favorite books 5 times in a row? Would he put an old sheet on the floor and let Aiden paint his little heart out on every blank piece of paper he can find? Would he make him brush his teeth every night and every morning?

No, I don't think so. I am all Aiden has and the thought that he could grow up without me is terrifying because I only want what's best for him and I know what the alternative is.