5 Common (and Hurtful) Misconceptions About Single Moms

June 29, 2012


If you are a single mom you know it's not easy. If you aren't, well let me tell you: it ain't easy. And it most certainly doesn't help when you have people at every turn waiting to judge you. I am not oblivious to the people who take one look at me and glance at my left hand; I assume because I look young. I've been judged by strangers, people who know me, people who think they know me, guys who probably want to date me (had I not been a mom), and maybe even a friend or two or more of my boyfriend's. Yeah, I'm not stupid either.

Some people ask a lot of questions, some valid and some pretty idiotic. Others just make assumptions and run with it without ever bothering to try and find out the truth. Of course, it's not just me we're talking about. It's all single mothers. I know we all have faced something like this by someone at least once. So, I have made a list of a few common misconceptions I've had thrown my way over the last few years.

Misconception #1: "Hey dude, you ready to be a dad? Haha."
Boys (obviously they aren't men yet) think they are really hilarious when they make this comment to one of their "bros" who happens to be dating a single mom. To us single moms, it's not that funny. Yes, there are single mothers out there who are just looking for a "daddy" to help foot the bills but those women are pretty obvious. The majority of single mothers are not looking for a random guy to come along and father their child. Most of the time, the child (or children) already have a father. That father may not be that great and he may not be as involved as he should be but he's still the dad. We are looking for a companion just as any other woman would - with child or not. If it happens to work out with the person we're dating and leads to marriage, we hope that person will accept, love, and respect our child. It's pretty insulting to us single mothers who have given 100% of ourselves to our child - raising our child on our own without the help of the other father - and doing just fine. We don't need your snarky input or your jokes. You're not funny. You're an asshole.

Misconception #2: "Dude, she already has a kid. 10 bucks says you could nail that TONIGHT."
What's worse than people assuming we're looking for a new dad is people assuming we're easy. Obviously, having a kid means you've had sex at some point even if admitting it now makes you want to vomit for a month straight. If you're anything like me, you just pretend like you're the second Mary to keep from having night terrors. But anyway, that's beside the point. First of all, being a single mom now doesn't mean the mom was always single. Some were married at one point, some were in a long-term relationship, and hey, others may have even been drunk or feeling a little frisky but that doesn't mean all of us single moms want to do you.

Misconception #3: "I wonder how much my taxes are supporting that damn kid of hers?"
First of all, I want to say there is absolutely nothing wrong with receiving government assistance if you really need it. It's nothing to be ashamed of and you should NEVER let ANYONE make you feel badly for needing it. It's there for a reason and you should be proud to be able to support your child or children even if there's a little help involved. Personally, I have never received any government assistance because I don't qualify for it. Not every single mom is laying on her butt all day while you work to pay for her child's food. In fact, according to the latest census approximately 50% of single mothers work full-time while approximately 30% work part time.

Misconception #4: We're Boring.
Hey, we may not be able to take 5 shots of vodka or stay out until 3 in the morning every night, but we're still human. We still enjoy life and sometimes, believe it or not, we like to live it every now and then too. My son goes to his dad's every other weekend and even then I don't like to drink because my biggest fear is Aiden getting hurt and ending up at the E.R. and the last thing I want to do is have to shop up drunk. But I still like to hang out with friends, go to movies, go to dinner, be around people older than 5 and do grown up things that don't involved the Green Goblin or Spiderman. Going to a bar or lounge with a group of people is still fun to us even if we don't drink so invite us out sometime. We won't talk about the potty training nightmares more than once, I swear.

Misconception #5: "Is there room in your closet for all that extra baggage?"
I don't think there's anything that pisses me off more than when Aiden or anyone's child is referred to as baggage. Now, don't get me wrong; a child is a huge commitment and responsibility and frankly, if you don't want that you need to do everyone a favor and get the fuck out, but a child is most definitely NOT baggage and anyone who thinks so doesn't even deserve to date any of the amazing single mothers I know. In fact, a few episodes ago on The Bachelorette, Kalon referred to Emily's daughter as baggage and I believe her response said it best: "It's a huge blessing. That is my heart and soul and for anyone to say that that's baggage does not deserve me, to be on any date with me." 

Being a single mom is a wonderful and rewarding experience. We are all strong women who love our children more than anything in this world. If you have ever judged someone for being a single mom, shame on you. I feel really sorry and sad for you because you are missing out on what could be a great friendship or relationship with an amazing person. Now that I have hopefully cleared up a few things, you should go read an oldie but goodie post about Tips on Dating A Single Mom written by someone who is a beautiful single mom herself!

18 comments:

  1. I have nothing but respect for single moms, especially you. You seem to really have a good head on your shoulders and I commend you, lady!

    www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com

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  2. I have SO much respect for you single mothers out there. It seriously pisses me off that you even have to write a post about these misconceptions... but they're sadly true. Ugh. You deserve respect girl!

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    1. It is pretty sad that people are so ignorant about it

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  3. I love this! Amen over and over again!!

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  4. I'm not a single mom, but I am a mom and have so much respect for single moms. I am so impressed with how beautifully you shared your thoughts and hope that people will read your post and try to understand life from your viewpoint.

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  5. I totally agree! I'm not a single mom, but I can see how these comments and assumptions would be hurtful. People assume they know your entire situation based merely on how it looks from the outside and they forget that you're a real person just like they are.

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    1. It really is sad how judgmental some people are toward single mothers. They think they know the whole situation or that we are somehow "damaged." thank you for your comment!

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  6. Wow, you hit that one spot on. And actually your words have made me quite emotional because I have experienced so much of this from being a single mother. I love the way you've addressed it in such a head on way. Thanks.

    http://myfroley.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you for your comment & I'm so sad that you've had to experience people's ignorance as well :(

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  7. I agree with so many of these things. I get judged all the time for not being married. I'm in a relationship, with the father of my children, but just because we're not married I get judged SO much. It's awful.

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  8. My son's only two months old, I've been a single mom half his short life, so I haven't had a chance to really experience any of these things. However, I know exactly how it feels to be somewhere with my baby and notice someone automatically look at my ring finger. I can only imagine what they're thinking. Not only does it hurt, it makes me want to punch someone!

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  9. I am a single mom, this could not be more true! Thank goodness there are real men out there who do not think like this, although they are few and far between!

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  10. I've joined this site www.globogirls.com mainly because I wanted to organize a cool trip. But it was awesome when I found that you can actually find a travel mate. There are plenty of handsome men out there. It really helps if you're not looking for something serious.

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  11. took the words right out of my mouth amen!

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