If tomorrow never comes.

January 5, 2012

This is an extremely hard topic for me to think about and it's definitely difficult to write about as well but it is something I think of quite often.

What if I died today? Or tomorrow? Or anytime within the next 14 years?

Is that morbid? It's something that haunts me and if I were being perfectly honest, it's something that keeps me from doing a lot of things. Traveling, for one. Death is scary, for sure, but more than anything I worry about what will happen to Aiden. Obviously, his dad would automatically be granted custody I suppose and that terrifies me.

You see, he wasn't really in Aiden's life for the first 3 1/2 years and when he was there he wasn't there. He's only been exercising his visitation rights since last June and even then he's still a little unpredictable. Nine times out of ten, he brings Aiden back dirty, smelly, and in mismatched clothes at least one size too small. The clothes I send Aiden in never make it back; I'm lucky if I ever see them again. Would he read Aiden his favorite books 5 times in a row? Would he put an old sheet on the floor and let Aiden paint his little heart out on every blank piece of paper he can find? Would he make him brush his teeth every night and every morning?

No, I don't think so. I am all Aiden has and the thought that he could grow up without me is terrifying because I only want what's best for him and I know what the alternative is.


  1. Wow. This sounds so tough, but it seems like Aidan sure is lucky to have you as a mom.

  2. Hi I just ran across your blog when I was searching for chevron background for photoshop. Thanks for posting it. I'm a single mom myself but now my babies are 17 and 15 (dang time flies), my advice is to talk to your son's father regarding custody. If you have a mom or friend who is a responsible loving person, you can probably both agree to have that person become the legal guardian just in case something happens to you. Good luck!


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