I'm Not Sorry that I'm Not Sorry for Having a Child.

September 7, 2012


I'm sure, by now, most of you have heard about the parents of the infant twins who passed out treat bags with a pre-written apology should their 14 week old twins cause a ruckus. First of all, I want to make it known that this post is not to bash them in anyway whatsoever. I think what they did was extremely considerate. That said, it's really sad that most people aren't that considerate and they found it necessary to do that to begin with. It's really unfortunate that we live in a world where people have to apologize for being parents. We shouldn't have to apologize for our babies crying. Babies are babies. Babies cry. Anyone with half a brain knows that and although some people have obviously forgotten, they were once babies too (I KNOW RIGHT? THE HORROR!).

But this post isn't about that one incident as much as it is about this "No Children Allowed" mentality that people and businesses are bringing to the forefront here lately. I'm not sure when it became trendy to hate kids but it's a good thing these adults are adults now so they don't have to hate themselves (or maybe they are miserable and that's why they're so darn grouchy?). I have a huge problem that people are finding an issue these days with allowing babies and children in public and while the articles themselves are pretty pathetic, the comments sections are even worse. I get so tired of hearing (and reading) people say things like "When I was a kid, if I acted out I got smacked but parents are too lazy these days." First of all, these people saying that misbehaved kids need to be smacked would probably be the first ones to call CPS if someone actaully DID smack their child for being a brat.

We shouldn't feel the need to apologize for taking our kids on an airplane, bringing our kids into a restaurant that doesn't have a talking mouse, taking maternity leave or staying home a few days to take care of our sick child. I'm a single mom. I'm doing the best I can and AT LEAST I'm not sitting on my rear at home eating the bag of chips I got with foodstamps. I'm trying to be a good employee while being a good mom but it's hard, especially when you have people judging your parenting choices with every move you make. This new "No Children Allowed" mentality is nothing but an excuse to condemn parents for doing a "shitty job" in a world that, generally, isn't all that supportive of families anymore to begin with. I'm not sorry that I bring my son to nice restaurants to eat because he deserves good food just as much as you do and I will not be told that I should just stay home or stick to Burger King until he's "older." If he happens to get a little bit loud because he has something exciting to tell me or he gets a little bit cranky, well, deal with it, because your little business partner on his phone discussing contracts at the top of his lungs is no less annoying to me than my child is to you but I haven't grabbed his phone away and dunked it in his glass of water (yet). I'd rather hear a baby cry at Macy's because its tired than hear a grown women gripe out an employee for not holding her dress an hour past the hold time because, well, THE ADULT KNOWS BETTER and I'd much rather smack that snooty woman around, believe me. The point is, just because someone is an adult doesn't mean they're going to be quiet anymore than it means a kid is going to be loud.

I respect that people desire peace and quiet. I'm fairly certain that's normal for, like, everyone. I've never met someone who just LOVED noise. But life is short and the "child" time is even shorter and I want to spend some of that time in public and no one is going to tell me where I can and can not take my child just because they think their ears are too good to hear a little bit of noise every now and then. Now, am I going to just allow my child to scream at the top of his lungs for no reason? Of course not. Aiden is very well-behaved in public and he very rarely throws any kinds of fits. If he did, I would take him to a restroom until he calmed down if it was that bad. Some parents are obviously not that considerate but that's just one of those "it's part of life" kind of things. We have movie theaters banning children under 6 except for certain days, select Whole Foods offering kid-free shopping days by providing a daycare, and even restaurants banning children under 6. Is this not discrimination? Why is this okay?

As a single mom, I already have to share the little time I do have every other weekend with his dad. On top of that, I spend another 40 hours a week feeling like I'm inconviencing the work world for having a kid and, God forbid, putting him first. And now, our children are inconveniencing the entire population just by being out in public? No thank you. Children NEED to be out in the world. They need to experience the outside environment and general socialization. Children can not learn how to thrive or behave in public if they aren't allowed out in it. Children are not second-class citizens and I will be damned before I even think about apologizing to the rest of the world for being a parent.

13 comments:

  1. Some people just don't understand, probably because they dont have kids themselves, and the ones that do are often just simply judgmental

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  2. You never fail to amaze me & this post justifies the reason I've loved your personality from the first time I saw you online.

    People need to also take into consideration that by putting themselves out in the public, you're exposing yourself to all types of situations by choice. So maybe they should stay home.

    This problem really bothers me because I've got the two little guys & people give me dirty looks when I have them both at the grocery store. Once one starts a tantrum, the other one goes in & I ignore them. lol So maybe it's not considerate but I feel like I'd be able to get out of there quicker if I just kept doing what I was doing, then stopping in the bathroom or took them to the car. Who's to say it wouldn't start up again over cookies, right?

    You have me thinking though, maybe I should remove them....nah, fuck people. lol

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  3. I don't have any children yet but we have friends that do. In fact, a couple that we go out with just about every weekend has an almost 3 year old (and just had a baby girl on Monday, yay!). They bring their son out with them all the time. Sometimes he fusses but he's generally very well behaved. BUT we have been there when he's had a fit. They are unpredictable. I am guilty of being one of those diners that would say "leave the kids at home" but after going out with them a lot I realize just HOW unpredictable they are. It could be anything. You never know. They could be perfect angels 99% of the time and just ONE time they have a fit and you happen to be in a nicer place. Just because there is a kid in the place that’s getting upset or loud….it’s not going to ruin my night.

    OH and people talking on the phone AT the table…huge pet peeve of mine. Take your call outside. I think that’s WAY worse and rude to the people you’re with if you are talking on the phone while out to dinner. They’re called manners. Ugh. People bug me hahaha.

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  4. As Mommy to two young kids, hear hear!
    Found you through #FF, following now!
    xxo.Brass Knuckles
    http://covertboutique.blogspot.com

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  5. i really want to give you a high five! everything used to be so family oriented and now it seems like having a kid is bad. i am the only one of my friends that even wants kids. i think talking on the phone at dinner is worse than a kid throwing a fit. adults know better but act worse than kids sometimes.

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  6. AMEN to that sista! I could not agree more with you, word for word.

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  7. I'm a new follower! Love your blog. Great post!

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  8. None of this is new. My kids are adults now, but people had a go at me when my kids were little for throwing tantrums in the supermarket, I remember Mum being asked to leave the theater during Mary Poppins because my sister was grizzling. I lost my job for being pregnant because I would upset the customers lol. Some things change and some don't but what happens is when your kids grow up it all seems unimportant and then one day you're the one glaring at the new parents because you don't remember that your kids did exactly the same thing and you wouldn't have put up with that sort or behavior. lol I think it's called rose coloured glasses syndrome

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  9. I heard this week that someone in our city is trying to ban kids from the PUBLIC LIBRARIES. Infuriating? Doesn't even begin to cover it! It's so sad to me that children are viewed as inconvenient fun-ruiners in our culture. They ruin your hopes, your dreams, your body, your financial freedom, etc...and I feel badly for people who think this way, because their parents obviously undervalued them and taught them that age-ism is ok.

    That said, my kid goes everywhere with me. If she isn't taught how to behave in a restaurant BY BEING IN A RESTAURANT, then she'll never learn! Would my life be a little easier if I didn't take her grocery shopping, make her sit with me in church, and give her playdates to make her learn how to share? Hells yeah! But that's not good for EITHER of us :)

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  10. I understand what you're saying. I'm a teacher I love children. But, I don't have any of my own. I have been on flights and trains where children have been completely disruptive and inconsiderate. Why should I be punished for that? I am an accepting human being I understand children get upset but parents need to teach their children the art of consideration.

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    1. I can understand OLDER children understanding the art of consideration and being able to apply it but developmentally speaking, younger children don't have the capacity to demonstrate consideration (which I'm sure you already know, being a teacher). The topic of this blog stems from a story that parents on board a plane brought pre-emptive apology goody bags for their INFANTS, not school-aged children.

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  11. How you feel about the Macys scenario is how I feel about the Whole Foods no-kids shopping time. While I understand the premise of dropping your kids off to be watched while you grocery shop (not to be offensive, merely helpful and understanding), let's be real: there are ADULTS out there that make me want to do any number of things to myself than shop along side. One of which is shop with my son in tow, followed closely by gouging my eyes out. Children may be loud and obnoxious sometimes, but they don't know any better. Adults on the other hand, when they're being loud and obnoxious, they're doing it on purpose.

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    1. P.S. I love shopping with my son, I throw him in our carrier and he falls asleep almost instantly. And bringing him to a restaurant is how we teach him what is socially acceptable behavior and what isn't - I don't understand why some people forget that they too were once children, INFANTS even. What I would pay to see these people bite their tongues and slap themselves on the forehead once they have kids of their own and suddenly can't go to places they fought so hard to keep kids out of.

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